They Said Never Do This in Front of Your Kids—Here’s Why I Disagree

Why I Let My Kids See Me and My Spouse Argue (And Why You Might Want to Try It Too)

When I was growing up, my parents never argued—at least, not in front of me. I thought they were just that perfect. So, imagine my shock when I became an adult, got married, and discovered that I had disagreements with my spouse. I genuinely thought something was wrong with us. Turns out, my parents did argue—they just did it in private. While that might sound like the polite, peaceful way to handle things, it also meant I never learned how to navigate conflict in a healthy way.

Now, I’m not saying every heated conversation needs to play out in front of the kids. Some topics are best kept between two adults behind a closed door. But I’ve learned that letting my children see the “safe” arguments—the kind where my spouse and I disagree, talk it through, maybe even get a little tense, and then resolve it—is one of the best relationship lessons I can give them.

When they witness us disagree respectfully, they learn:

• Conflict is normal, not a sign your relationship is falling apart.

• You can love someone deeply and still have different opinions.

• Resolution matters as much as (if not more than) the disagreement.

Kids are watching more than we think. If they never see conflict, they’ll assume disagreements are bad. But if they see you navigate it with respect, forgiveness, and love—well, that’s training for life.

Ephesians 4:2 reminds us to be “completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” When we model that in front of our kids, we’re not just keeping peace at home—we’re equipping them for future friendships, marriages, and workplaces.

So yes, sometimes my kids see us argue. But they also see us hug afterward. And I’m okay with that.

-EJ